I just can't help myself. Seems like everything edible within my grasp is eaten. Oh I did turn down ice cream tonight, but then I'm not a big ice cream eater. Yay for me.
I got on the scale and it is UP UP UP! I have an appt tomorrow and I don't want to go. I'm scared that they will say I haven't lost all the weight I should've and they won't do my surgery. I do have two weeks left to lose about 5-7 lbs so it is doable, but I feel like I'm sabotaging myself.
I feel as if there is another person inside me making me do this to myself. Like I'm looking from the outside in and I don't see ME. I see another person pretending to be me so I'm not real. Like I'm not in touch with myself. Someone else is calling the shots. This sounds too weird, even to me.
I have to get my shit together. Surgery is exactly two weeks away and I cannot blow this. There will be no delaying of surgery because I can't lose 7 lbs. No way. I know, I know, I'm a procrastinator extraordinaire, but it can't happen with this. No way. This is me I have to do this time. It's me I have to save. It's me I have to care about and there is no other way to do it, but JUST DO IT!
God, why do I make it so difficult all the time? Why do I sabotage myself? Why? Why? WHY?
Ok, I took a deep breath. Have to concentrate on the positive. Need to get out the positive affirmations and actually say them to myself. I DO deserve this and I will have this. I will change my attitude.
I will not fail myself this time.
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You DO deserve a wonderful healthy life you LOVE!
ReplyDeleteyou deserve it all...it's just fear or anxiety about what you about to embark...no worries!
let's go be Derby Dolls together! LOL
xoxoxox
7:15 on the dot!
My mom always said 'Be like the little engine that could. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!' Keep this thought with you all the time and before you know it, the two weeks will be gone and so will the 7 lbs! We're pulling for you.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Colleen