Monday, February 22, 2010

Waking Up

It's weird sometimes.
I needed this past weekend more than I thought.  It was the week with my Friday off and it was full of appointments, as usual.  That's ok, because they needed to be done.  Better than taking sick time off from work to do things like get my hair colored, you know?  After my appointments, I drove down to San Diego to visit my friend, Gig.  He and I visited for hours and then we went out for Chinese food at Hong Kong restaurant in Hillcrest.  YUM!  We stopped in at the American Apparel store and picked out some underwear for my son (long story on that one, but saved for another time) and I got some fun things for me:  lacy socks and thigh-high socks.  Oh yeah, those babies are warm!  Then back to Gig's for more chit-chat and then a smooth drive home in the rain.
Saturday didn't start out so good:  migraine.  Shit.  I held off with the medication as long as I could (why do I do that?!) and then took it and went to bed.  Slept for 3 hours.  Got up and tried to craft, but couldn't concentrate so watched tv.  Sleepy and headachy again at 4, so went back to bed and slept again for 5 hours.  Woke up and felt great!  Rejuvenated.  Wow.  I knitted and crafted for hours and hours.  Finally went to bed at 6am and woke again at 9:30am ready to take on Sunday.
Sunday was spent mostly in my head.  As I went through my chores and organized my yarn stash, I just let the thoughts fly in and out of my head.  I didn't try to solve anything, I just listened.  Let them flow.  It's weird to do that, I think.  Not trying to solve anything, but just letting the chatter carry on in there.  Just hearing my head. 
I'm missing my friends these days.  The ones I've kept at a distance these past few months.  Time to reconnect and integrate myself back into parts of my old life.  What's that saying:  When it's dark enough, you can see the stars.  Something like that.  Well, it's plenty dark enough.  I'm ready for some stargazing.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Stuck Again

Weighed myself this morning.  Still 209.  What gives?  I was at 221 like forEVER and then whoosh! Twelve pounds come off and now I'm stuck at 209.  Ugh.
I know the weight loss is much slower now that the initial huge loss is over, but hey, c'mon now.  I want MORE!  I have noticed that my body is changing, though.  I'm feeling smaller in places like my waist and my hips.  I think my face is thinning out a bit more, too.  I have to conclude that since the weight is not coming off that the fat from those thinning out places must be going somewhere so I'm guessing it's my ass.
I've been sitting on my ass a lot these days.  Sometimes it hurts from sitting so much and I have to get up and move around.  It only takes a couple of hours of sitting to get to that point, but still.  I've been doing a lot of sitting down activities: watching t.v., knitting, crafting, working.  I need to get my butt off the chairs and couches more often.  Last night while crafting, I stopped and got on my recumbent bike and rode for 15 minutes.  Nothing strenuous.  Only rode at 10mph.  Again, SITTING, but at least my circulatory system was getting a workout, right?
Speaking of working out, I need to get on that right away.  I'm noticing my body is getting squishy.  Well, my torso is getting squishy.  I now have muffin-tops when I wear my pants.  Not a good look at ALL.  Oh and let's talk about the girls.  They are looking mighty sad these days.  Extreme weight loss will do that to them.  They are sad sacks pointing south.  I know, maybe TMI, but I have to remind myself of these things.  It may be helpful someday.  Oh, the girls look great in my bras.  You gotta have a good bra!  But out of the bra, well, let's just say, um, well, let's not just say anything.  Poor little flat bags.  There, I said it. 
So, I'm going to start going to the gym.  No sense in having a membership if you don't use it, right?  Right.  I'll use the bike and trampoline at home for cardio and go to the gym for toning.  That will get those muscles built up and start the fat burning again.  That's what I'm hoping for anyways.
All in all, my life is good these days.  I know I've complained a lot these past few months, but things are turning around.  I'm feeling better about myself.  Maybe I just go through the winter blues and don't realize it.  That being said, I'm headed off to tackle the to-do list on my desk at work.  Git 'er done!!

Monday, February 1, 2010

It's Been Awhile

Too long since I posted last.  Lots of crap going on.
1.  My eating is terrible these days.  Too much processed junk and not enough healthy stuff.  I'm craving vegetables, but I don't eat them.  Too much work, I think to myself.  Say what?!  I'm just lazy and would rather just grab a popcorn chip as opposed to eating a healthy wrap or something.  Oh, I did make some healthy smoothies last week, but there were no veggies in them.  I'm sick to my stomach because I'm eating terribly, but do I stop?  Well, not yet.  I'm working on it.  It's kind of like a binge without the bingeing since I can't eat a lot, but I can OVER eat.  I'm also eat crap so I feel terrible.  Ok, that's one thing I have to take care of.  The weird thing is, I'm still losing weight, so that doesn't help the insanity either.
2.  My personal life is hell.  I've procrastinated on so many tasks that I risk the chance of my car being taken away.  Oh, nothing like missing payments (car is paid in full) or accidents.  I just haven't gotten it fixed.  California has this stupid smog thing you have to do to your car and my car didn't pass the smog test.  I have to have some sensors replaced.  That's all.  Thing is, way back in June (yes JUNE) when I paid my registration and had the car tested and it didn't pass the smog test, I applied to the State for monetary assistance for repairs.  I was granted the assistance, but then I had my two surgeries and I forgot.  Fastforward to October.  I get stopped by the Highway Patrol and get a fix-it ticket.  I had until January-something to get that done or have to pay a $250 fine.  In December I get stopped by the Sheriff and he gives me a ration of crap about my registration.  I explain the above stuff, but he doesn't care, and rightfully so.  He lets me off with a warning, but says if I get pulled over again, they will impound my car.  Did all that spur me on to fix the car?  NO!  I am sick and tired of taking care of my car.  I think it should be my husband's job, but apparently he doesn't agree with me. 
3.  Taxes.  I'm not going to tell you EVERYthing here, but let's just say we are way behind in filing taxes.  It's my fault and I need to get it done.  This is one thing I vow to do in the next week:  Get an appointment with my tax guy and get 2009 done so I can file the past years taxes done.  Hey, it's a power struggle thing and I'm not proud of it.  I just want someone to pay attention to me.  Guess what?  It's not working.
4.  I hate taking pills.  If I can't take them all at once in the morning, I just don't do it.  I don't want to remember to do it.  Even though I set alarms on my phone to remind me to take pills, I don't.  I look at the phone and say "ha ha, I don't have to take them if I don't want to".  It's stupid.  Another power struggle, but with MYSELF!  How freakin' stupid is that???  I was not a good girl (surprise) and did not take my B vitamins after surgery so now I'm deficient.  I'm also vitamin D deficient, too, but just a little.  I think I need to re-connect with my sun buddy.  So if I didn't like taking the pills before, now I have MORE pills to take!! 
Here's what I take:  Synthroid, Lexapro, Prilosec, multivitamin, calcium (2 pills a day), vitamin d, vitamin b6, vitamin b12, Omega oils and iron.  Theoretically, I have to take the Prilosec first thing in the morning so the stomach acid calms down.  Have to wait 2 hours before or after eating to take the Synthroid.  Lexapro can be taken with anything.  Vitamin D should be taken with the C and the B6 can be taken with the multivitamin (which is a chewable).  Calcium should be taken at night because it makes me a bit sleepy.  The omegas I take with dinner.  The B12 is twice a week.  Is the vitamin D only twice a week or is it daily?  The iron.  Hmm, I know I can't take the iron with either the C's or the calcium or something...  I forget.  God, I hate taking PILLS! 
I have to get my shit together with the pills or I will pay for it health-wise, I know that.  I'm just so tired of all the pills.  I've been feeling so crappy and I know it must have something to do with the pills I'm not taking.  My nutritionist told me to think of them as nutrition instead of pills.  Whatever.  It's still a pill.  There are times that the pill will not go down my throat because I just don't want to take it and some of my pills are BIG.  I will get through this, right?
Well, I guess I'll get off my pity pot.  I'm tired of sitting on it, actually.  Got to get these things cleared off my list.