Thursday a.m.

It's only 8:48 am and I'm already done for the day. I got out of bed about 30 minutes ago because I needed pain medication. My belly is so sore and the liquid Vicodin just barely takes the edge off the pain. I did the kitchen/living room loop about 20 times to get my blood flowing and energy up, but I just don't feel it today. I will have to remember that the day I'm feeling really good, not to overdo it because I'll pay for it the next day.

This sucks, but at least I learned something.

I'm going to try very hard at putting in at least a paragraph about my emotional being. I tend to skip over that and I think that when I do it's because I don't want to talk about something. Maybe. I don't know. So the food thing is going ok. I'm not really wanting to eat much. Last night I overdid it at dinner, but John made jalapeno-pineapple covered salmon on a plank and we had mixed veggies and a 1/2 clam shell with clam stuff in it. Yummo!

See how I deflect back to food? It's always about food. How it makes us feel. Just like dinner. Made me feel so good by eating good healthy food, but then I neglect to tell you about my feelings. Story of my life. Don't tell people about the (negative) feelings in my head, only the positive. Be positive and your life will be positive. Have a positive outlook and the world around you will be a happier place. Who told me that bullshit? People are people and they do what the hell they want. Yes, if you smile at someone they tend to smile back, but why? Not because you are changing them, but because it's polite.

I'm not trying to change the world here. I'm trying to change ME. Overall, I believe I have a positive outlook on life. I'm not grumpy very often. Why not? Is it because I'm stuffing feelings? A good friend (Cindy) told me to just feel my feelings. So what if I'm having a grumpy day. So what if I feel down today. Just feel it and go with it. Don't stuff it down with food or have someone try to bring me out of it. Feel it. FEEL IT!!!! That is more significant to me than you know, Cindy. I must feel my feelings, good or bad. My body is telling me something and I need to learn from that. So what if I have a down day. Yay if I'm having a good day. It's just a day, or a half a day or a couple of hours. I don't need to wallow in it or complain about it. Just feel it and carry on.

So that's what I'm doing today. Feeling it and carrying on. I'm not feeling particularly chipper and I'd really rather be by myself today. I'll have John remind me of my walks and my breathing exercises, but that's really all the interaction I want or need today. I just want me and my colored pencils today. Need some time for ME thinking.

Love to you all who read this.