Four more days

Wow, it hit me today - my surgery is in 4 days!

 

Yesterday, John and I went to see the surgeon and sign the papers and talk about whatever.  We talked to the nurse practitioner first.  Between the two visits, we were there for two hours.  Two hours, people!  When is the last time you had a doctor's visit that they actually took time to sit there with you and talk about what you wanted to talk about??  We discussed meds, diet and the actual surgery.  Since I have gallstones, we are going to go ahead and take the gallbladder out at the same time he does the gastric bypass.  I don't want to have to go in for another surgery in 4-6 months to have the gallbladder out when he can do it now.  It's only going to be trouble later on. 

 

I was so nervous about that appointment.  I mean so nervous I had to take some anti-anxiety meds.  I don't usually get nervous before doctor's appointments, but this one really mattered to me.  I was nervous that I hadn't lost enough weight to do the surgery.  When I started this whole process back in December, 2008, I weighed 290.  Now I weigh 274.  Neither the NP or the doc mentioned anything about my weight.  Well only to tell me I did a good job losing weight so far.  Yay me!  That was my biggest fear though, not losing enough weight to be able to go through with the surgery, but now that that is not an issue, I'm more relaxed and am ready to get this show on the road, baby!

 

Today was the appointment at the hospital with the admissions nurse.  We went over meds and allergies and what the whole procedure from admitting to recovery room would be like.  It's very comforting knowing what will happen.  John will take me to the hospital at 8am and my surgery is at 11am.  I'll be in surgery and then recovery until at least 4pm, so I'm telling John to go home and relax.  I don't need him to be sitting in the uncomfortable waiting room just so he's in the building.  I'm not like that.  He can go back to the hospital after I'm in my regular room.  His job will be to get me up and walking the halls.  If all goes well, I'll be in the hospital 1-2 days and then homeward bound. 

 

I'm very happy my eating frenzy has slowed to a halt.  I don't feel the urge to eat sugar at all.  I believe those veggie juices are helping with that a lot.  Why would you need candy when you can have any kind of juice you want?  Now that's what I'm talkin' about!  I didn't make a juice after dinner last night because I didn't want one for one thing, and the other thing was that while John was doing dinner dishes (yes, ladies, he does the dishes!  Nope, can't have him, he's all mine!!) he plugged up the drain, so he had to go out and buy that Liquid Plummer stuff.  Eww, I hate that stuff, but what to do?  His problem and he solved it.

 

So, I'm supposed to be sticking to about 1000 calories a day until surgery.  I'm not going to count calories.  I hate doing that.  What I will do, however, is to eat healthy food with no junk.  Cut out the breads and sweets and I will be fine.  

 

I know I'm rambling on and on, but apparently I have a lot to say today.

 

You know what I thought of today?  I realized I was worried about losing my fat body.  I could hide my emotions behind the fat, but when I'm thinner and have a smaller stomach, I won't be able to eat myself into that abyss any more.  You know what?  I think I will have a funeral for my fat on Sunday.  I will be saying goodbye to a lifelong friend, and that will be difficult.  A friend who comforted me in times of sadness, loneliness and anger.  The fat that kept me away from doing things like riding my bike, hiking and reaching out to other people.  The fat that let me seclude myself in my craft room with hidden sugary snacks when I didn't want to deal with real life and conversations with my husband.  This friend is going to die on Sunday and I will miss her, but she will be going to a better place and so will I.