Time will tell

Having food issues, but don't want to think about it.

About 10 days ago, my stomach changed. It is now able to hold more food at a sitting. That is good and bad. As much as I disliked my small pouch of a stomach, it kept me "honest" by eating small, frequent healthy meals. Now that my stomach can hold more with one meal, I'm eating less meals but a little more in each meal. I know that's redundant, but I need to say it to myself in more ways than one so that I "get it".

I'm finding that I overeat now and my pouch gets unhappy. Very unhappy. It's like learning to eat all over again, just like when I got the new pouch. I've got notes all over the place reminding me to eat slowly, chew thoroughly and not multitask while eating. If I do something while eating, watch tv, read, paperwork, I find that I either didn't chew well enough and therefore make the food feel all lumpy in my stomach or I eat way too much. I end up going past the near-full point and then my tummy hurts for hours.

I am happy that I don't have to eat as often, but I'm finding that I am not willing to give up those frequent meals. I feel well eating those frequent meals. Ok, so who says I have to give them up? Whose rule is that? If I only eat when I'm hungry, who's to say it's only three times a day as opposed to five? Wow. If it's only three times a day, then fine. I'm talking to myself now. Trying to sort this out.

I'm also finding that I'm able to eat more bready things. Um, uh-oh. My downfall. I'm ok eating a few crackers with my tuna or a piece of toast to fill me up before bedtime, or a plain biscotti with my evening tea. On and on and on. When did I tell myself that was ok? Those are not good calories, Debbie. That's temporary fullness and not very nutritional.

Today's food choices were actually ok. I had instant oatmeal with a little agave nectar for breakfast. For some reason, I dumped badly after that meal. Had to lie down for nearly an hour today. Not good. I've had the agave nectar before with no dumping, but maybe it was the combo that cause the dump, I don't know. Then I had sashimi for lunch. I did overeat a little and my tummy was very full, almost to hurting, for hours. I love that when it's full of protein like that that it doesn't get hungry for many hours. That's awesome. Dinner was chicken parmesan and I only ate a half-portion.

Two hours later, I had the biscotti and tea. Not physically hungry for the snack, just bored. Bad. It's the only snack I had today and looking back at what I ate, I couldn't have eaten more than 1000 calories for the day. I don't count calories because I usually eat very healthy. I'm hoping this craving/wanting of bread will end soon. I think it will. I am very aware that I'm eating it for the simple pleasure of eating it and that's an easy fix for me. At least I know why I'm eating eat, right? It will end soon. It's just something new.

I have so far still avoided rice and all sugary foods. I do not intend to start on cakes, cookies or candies. Not even one bite. I'm hoping that if I stay away from it completely, I won't have cravings later. I don't crave sugar now, so that's good. I just don't want to get the drug, the sugar, into my system and have to detox again. It will be harder to give it up later on as opposed to when I had surgery and had no choice.

The scale today, trash day (!), says 238, so I'm holding steady right around that weight. I'm not freaking out like when I held at 250 or two weeks. My body is changing physically, so I know it's just changing and the weight will start dropping again soon. I am going to up my physical activity with hope that that will lessen the time I'm at a plateau.

All in all, I'm a happy camper. Not very many problems at all. I am a bit tired since I've gone back to work full-time, but I expected that.

Flying back to PA for my niece's wedding this weekend. I'll update if anything earthshattering happens. I think I'll skip the wedding cake.