Crossing Over

No, I am not dying.

 

I feel like I'm at a cross-over point.  Like I am finally leaving the obese Debbie behind and moving towards the slimmer Debbie.  It's weird how just a number, my weight, makes such a difference in how I see myself.  Here are my weights from the last month:

 

09/16/09        232.0

09/26/09        229.4

10/11/09        228.0

10/20/09        225.8

 

My body is changing and I'm now realizing that my brain is a little behind.  Until today, I felt like I had the same mentality of the Debbie of pre-surgery.  Like I still "thought" of things as I did before, but today, TODAY, feels different.  Maybe it's because the scale said 225.  Only 26 lbs until I get to One-derland, you know that?  I haven't been there in 22 years!  That's a long time to be over 200 lbs.

 

I'm feeling like I'm a "normal" person.  I can shop in regular stores now.  Old Navy is my friend.  They carry my sizes:  20 in pants and 18 (or XL!) in tops and dresses.  I am so thrilled with that.  No more fat lady stores!  I can wear cute, stylish clothes now.  I am going a bit crazy with the shopping, though.  It's so much fun that I have to stop myself from buying a whole new wardrobe at this size, so I buy a some tops and some pants and hope that will get me through this weight for awhile.  

 

I had my 3-month appointment with the surgeon today.  We talked about the diarrhea which most likely is a lactose intolerance thing.  Maybe hidden milk products in foods I'm eating.  Ok, I can deal with that.  He asked about my iron levels and if I'm taking my multivits and yes, I remember to take them occasionally.  I also forget to take the daily B1 and the weekly B12.  I'm just terrible at taking pills.  I can remember the morning pills because I take them when I brush my teeth, but the ones later in the day, not so much.  Maybe I'll take the vitamins after I brush my teeth at night.  Maybe that's a good reminder.  I swear, I can be so juvenile sometimes.

 

Along the thought of iron, he asked about menopause and periods and since I haven't had a period since 1988, I'm good there, but I said I thought my iron was ok since I passed the finger prick test when I gave blood.  He says, "You gave blood?!"  Um, oops.  He said it is very difficult for gastric bypass patients to keep their iron levels up to normal and when you give blood, it depletes the iron or severely lowers it and it is very difficult to build up the iron levels again.  Oh crap!  I had no idea.  He says find another way to help out.  Ok, doc, I'll do that.  Sorry, but why wasn't I told this before?  Maybe they told us and I forgot, but still...

 

So mentally, how am I doing?  Ok.  Just ok.  I've taken a break from interacting with psychological things to get my into my head and hear myself.  Feel myself.  Not literally, but inside me.  I'm really trying to get in touch with ME.  How food makes me feel, why I feel the way I am feeling at that very moment.  I've been so out of touch for so long, I really need this.  I think I am about done with being by myself because I'm missing the friends I've cut out for this little while.  I didn't cut them out because they were bad, it's because they were part of my past and I needed to just be current.  Does that make sense?  I adore my friends and couldn't live without them, but I needed a mental break.  I know they understand and I'm now ready to join the world again.

 

What a journey this has been so far.  I so needed this.  I feel like I'm starting a new life and it is wonderful!!