Wait, before we get to what's bugging me, let's get the weight thing off the list: 214.4 as of yesterday. That's a good thing. Yes, I know it wasn't trash day, but I felt different so I weighed myself.
Ok, so here's the THING. Big big white elephant in the room. My room. I don't believe in Christmas. Well, wait, only the pagan part of Christmas. I don't believe in Jesus, Mary or Joseph, Muhammad or any other religious icon. I just don't believe. There, I said it. I am agnostic. I believe there is something out there that helps guide the universe, but not a religious person/icon/whatever. I can't put my faith in something that I really honestly don't believe in. OMG the roof did not cave in when I said that.
When I hear the religious Christmas songs, I cannot sing along. Years ago, my favorite song was O Holy Night and that was only because my Dad used to sing it or better yet, whistle to it and that made me feel good inside. Not the words or the meaning of the song, but my Dad doing what he did.
It's hard for me to say I don't believe in Jesus because there are some people that will say, "I'll pray for you." Please don't. Will that "save" me? Will that keep me from going to "hell"?? I don't think so. I believe that living a full, honest life will get you good karma in the next life. That when I die, I want to be able to feel that I've done a good job with the life and the body that I've been given, and if I haven't, then I guess I'll have to come back and do it over again.
I'm not such a non-believer that I think your religion is bogus. Nope. If you believe with your whole heart that what your church is teaching you, then I'm happy for you. Really. It's just not for me.
It's so free-ing to be able to say that I don't believe in God, and the thing is, if you do and you feel badly for me, so be it. We can still coexist with religious differences. I only wish the world could have the same understanding and just live together instead of fighting wars over who's God is the highest trump card.
All that being said, it makes me feel good inside. Like I've let go of a bad habit. Like if I was a smoker or drinker and I no longer smoke or drink. It doesn't have a hold on me any longer. Like I'm no longer tied to food as a crutch, I don't need religion the same way. I feel FREE!
This does tie back in to the food issue. I've had to let go of some pretty awesome habits, and now I've had the courage to let this one go, too. Love it. Like I don't have to have religion to be a whole person. I don't need all that food as comfort when I can comfort myself without it. Same with religion.
So on to Christmas we go. I'll sing about Frosty and Rudolph and you can sing about Jesus or your God or whomever you pray to. Just enjoy the holiday as a time to be with family and eat some fudge.
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Debbie,
ReplyDeleteThis was an incredibly refreshing, candid post and I am glad you wrote it with such honesty, insight and self-awareness.
As a life long Christian I am sad to say that I find agnostics to be much, much nicer than religious people. Karma seems to be a more motivating system than forgiveness.
As for not celebrating Christmas, I have many friends who don't celebrate Christmas and they sometimes feel alienated this time of year. I'm glad that you've found a peaceful middle ground (Rudolph etc.) and I am also really glad you posted this.
Do you celebrate Solstice or anything like that?
oh my...the roof didn't cave in! woot!
ReplyDeleteGirlie...thank you for that post. So many people are asking the "what do you believe question" and I have been dodging it because I just don't want to be judged...you know where I stand, like you...but jeez louise! The judgement, and yes alienation! I thought peace and goodwill were beyond religeon!
good for you. I think all this liberation is good for the soul!
MUAH!!!!
I didn't get to give you a merry christmas hug before you left, but know I love you and am desparately proud of you and honored to be your friend!
i love ya!!!
Merry Christmas!